Dearest
Hannah
Day 34 of
writing to you and I actually have a little hope that I may be a bit more
concise than normal! But you know me; I will probably still write loads!
Last night we
had our normal chat and it was long and we have been speaking about the same
stuff over and over again. The kids, the behaviour, the bloody blasted Kindle,
my DPD and how we are with all of this.
I am not
going to go into all of it as I normally would. There is no need; I just don’t want
to keep going over everything again and again. (And I am usually the repetitive
one who has to do that to get the grasp of things!)
What I will
say that was a highlight, but not the only one ;), of the chat was the fact
that you have finished your first book of the bible! Together, you and I, have
done daily readings of Romans and read all 15 chapters of the book! I am really
pleased for you. I think reading it together has taught and guided us both
quite well and have at times been incredibly relevant. We have decided to start
James next but you, being you, took a sneak peek and saw the word “endurance” and,
knowing that is a common theme of the word for me and I suppose you in some
ways, decided that we should read chapter one there and then!
I love how we
have done this together and how much we have both been enjoying it as well as gaining
something from it. I am looking forward to going through more of them together.
Today, as a
couple, has been quite nice. I took dad to the hospital, you went to costa to
do some letter writing and we found time in between for some calls and chats.
We got home
and we both had a lovely and intense video chat which was brilliant! Only thing
was that it made me want to be with you now than waiting for a little longer.
We then had
our TV chat this afternoon and watched Eastenders which, again, was nice.
We have had
lots of chances to talk, be there for each other and juts be us and I really
appreciate that.
This evening
you have doubted some of the whole A and Kindle thing and we have been chatting
about that. I won’t repeat it as it isn’t necessary and I stand by the comment
above but there are a few things I want to bring out of all of it.
We ended up
video chatting with A and he did seem fine. This seemed to show us both the
same thing; or at least I hope that it did. I think it is still easy for you to
be tackling things by yourself and being caught up in situations that make you
wobbly. I think this is expected from any lone parent. In fact, I had similar
things with the boys trying to manipulate the situation between their mum and I
yesterday. It is tough but a good conversation with her cleared it up
straightaway. I think then that as you don’t have that luxury of a co-parenting
relationship that you should bring me in more. Maybe doing things like we did
tonight will help. So if A does mention it again tonight or tomorrow Instead of
being stuck on a loop with him and feeling wobbly that you message and bring me
into the situation quite quickly. I think that way I can see what you are
seeing or we can come to a better solution in that scenario. What do you think?
The other
part is some of your feelings towards me; nothing bad in case we read this back
and wonder what it is. But, you never need to worry about telling me anything,
how you are feeling towards a situation, the fact that something might have
changed or that you are being hit with certain feeling etc.
It is my job,
as your partner, to support you in EVERYTHING you do. If I disagreed with any
of it then it isn’t my place to be disappointed or angry and I would even go as
far as saying that unless asked it isn’t even my place ot comment on it. I know
you are a people pleaser and you worry about other people from your actions and
decisions but I will never be anything other than me and that is to support and
love you. Of course we may quarrel over something in the future, every couple
does that but I would never be cross or disappointed about anything like that.
Unless there was a massive screw up of massive proportion then I wouldn’t be
the guy I think I am for you. I love you. That is all you need to know. Just in
those moments remember the 1Corinthians verse the other day. That is the person
I want to be for you.
I love you
ever so much.
2 more sleeps
and you and I will be one again. I hope everything will slot into place and we
can just smash everything because we are one.
Love you,
Martyn