Dearest Hannah,
Day 20 of
writing to you and I take great pleasure in finding time each day solely for you;
time to just write and speak to you in a way that I haven’t already.
There is so
much that I could write today about how I feel and what is going on with me;
yet, you already know these things and, if anything, you know my heart and my
feelings towards these events so it seems fruitless to repeat them.
I feel this
is a lesson from God for me. Not because He is the bringer of such tribulations
but more that he is shaping me within them and trying to make me feel the need
to evolve closer to Him. It is for this reason that it I won’t linger on such
thoughts and words as they must be for my good.
I have been
listening to the Hunger games stories at night time and although I know you haven’t
read them I do feel there is a lesson in them that God is teaching me. The main
character is in the arena battling for her life and she has a mentor on the
outside that is meant to rally up sponsorship for gifts or aids to help in her
time there.
There is a
scene when she is walking through the woods in the arena and she hasn’t had any
water for a few days and is at breaking point of thirst. She makes a shout out
to her mentor asking for the much needed water and yet no gift arrives. She is
tempted to think that her mentor, a known alcoholic, is probably too drunk to
hear her words and has subsequently abandoned her. Yet, in one brief moment of
thought she realises that the reason he hasn’t sent water is that she may be
close enough and should push through her feelings, her want for a drink and to
soldier on forward as she may be close enough without losing her built up
sponsorship. She, of course, is right and less than an hour away is a pond with
fresh drinking water waiting for her. This is how I feel with God at the
moment.
There is a
lot going on with me, a lot of outside influences and input, actions and thoughts
that make it easy for me to turn around and say to God “why have you forsaken
me”; especially when I see God working in others’ lives. All I have to do is remember
to seek Him, counsel Him and find my refuge in the thing that I am so quick to
proclaim is right.
Here it is
then. Rather than me moan and curse about the current goings on, I am going to
sit and write and praise the good that is happening for you with knowledge that
my gifting, my water and my longing thirst is just around the corner.
You have had
a great day.
You went into
the shop despite feeling reluctant to do so. You have worked what seems to be
hours of endless dragging and pushed through to just finish and yet so much
good has happened.
You so
proudly told me that you can see the sales made and that you have made these to
an great level. This makes me so happy, especially when reflect back on how you
felt a few months ago. It wasn’t that long ago when you thought that you couldn’t
cope within a work environment and yet you are doing so and thriving. You are
talking to people, being a people person when and where it counts and providing
a presence that I knew you could show to a shop that clearly needs it!
You have also
taken time to not only do an excellent job and showing your worth but also
showing that you have the capability to use your initiative and forward
thinking to turn one action into something bigger and better.
Last week you
said that it is a shame that you are on job seekers and struggling to find work
that suits you despite knowing that you are in a role that you love, are
thriving in and supports your situation with the kids. The moment you mentioned
it I had a feeling that God was calling you to take up employment with them, to
allow training and growth and to build upon a situation that could be transferred
to a role here when you move and we build our life together. I felt it and knew
what God had in store but instead of just leaving it we suggested that was
prayed for it and waited for God to validate this as a good idea. Those
validations came and we continued to pray and this time I asked God to put that
position in front of you rather than you making those moves independently.
Then today
you tell me that they want to train you! They want to give you employment! And,
they are pleased to see that you are a person who will work hard, show
initiative and thrive in whatever you can.
This pleases
me so much. I have nothing but pride in you for doing so well and achieving
something; especially off your own work and not via the jobcentre.
I am so
pleased the God as answered our prayers and placed this there for you. He has
given you what you needed and when it was the right time. I am so thankful for
him for doing so. His works show by your ability and places the foundations of
good.
I know this
is amazing and I know we discussed the “what about something good for you
Martyn” but I want to dismiss this. My life is clearly a dog’s life, rather
than a lions, and reminds myself of 1 Corinthians 10 verse 13 and know that he
won’t let anything happen to me that I cannot handle and am not strong enough
to cope with. I am waiting, I am thirsty but I will take my place with Him and
know that something is just around the corner.
For now, I will
praise His name. Be pleased for you. Thank Him for his kind works and blessings
for you and know that these works now build a closer relationship between you
and Him and a foundation for our future that He wants for us.
I am so happy
and proud of you. You are doing so well and your growth is outstanding. I can’t
wait to see how well you continually grow. It is a blessing to be the person
watching you do this and be the person beside you.
Love you,
Martyn
