Day
24 of writing to you and this makes me happy. Once I hit my 30th
letter I will know that I am only a week away from seeing you. It seems silly
but I like the focus and countdown.
Today started off well. Despite having a very late night we ended up chatting and laughing about my school boy antics. It really made me laugh and it was lovely sharing that with you.
We
read our daily bible verses and discussed how we felt about them and how they
reflected upon us, at this moment in time, and what we could consider with it.
I
have felt God moving in me this week. He is clearly listening and speaking
through a variety of different things. I have mentioned before that He had
spoken the words “Martyn store” and He conformed this by showing me storage and
store again. We couldn’t work out what He wanted me to store and how that would
create the 3 P’s of Passion, Proactive and Persistence. Yet, you recalled a conversation
a few weeks back where you congratulated me on my drawings and thought I would
sell them. Within this I had said I should draw, keep and store them until it
was the right time to sell. This made me happy and I do feel that God wants
that; especially after the verbal abuse I received from my brother and sister
in law regarding them.
I
do draw with a passion because I draw when I listen to music for Him. I am
proactive by taking up the time to do it and, ultimately, I am persistent in
the time I take creating each drawing and then waiting and storing them.
It
left me feeling a little piece and all I have to do now is wait; easy, right?
I
slept well despite knowing that I had little sleep in a time frame sense. I
woke feeling empowered, strong, happy and continued to sing His praise.
I
then went to work. Well, you know what happened there. This thing that my family
and in laws are doing at the moment I feel is something that I must weather and
push through. This is a relentless battle and tribulation to my physical and
mental well-being. What I can do though is see that God is in me, working with
me and will support me in what I need.
He
seemingly does these things for both of us and what is very apparent to me is
that all of this, the good and the bad, the work and patience, the growth and
the personal attacks are to strengthen us and our future. It should be easy but
as the song lyrics to Build my Life say “I will build my life upon your love
and it is a firm foundation. I will build my trust in you alone and I will not
be shaken” What that says to me is that there will be things that come against
me, us and our future but I must trust in Him and nit be shaken. Something that
I am sure we can do together.
You
had a lie in this morning where the kids were at their dads. You did wake up
with worry though due to L messaging you at different times through the night.
It is always a worry when they are away and you know they need you. Then on
drop off you found out that it was a late and rough night for them but what
seems apparent is he was downstairs with his new partner and that space was off
bounds for the kids. This troubles me slightly as I am sure you know from what
I have said but I hope it is okay for you. L is the one I worry about; she will
take things to heart and will worry (she is your daughter after all) but she
will need and does need to know that wherever she is, your house, his place or
even here that she is loved, supported and given the appropriate attention to gain
security. I know you alone and us together can offer that I just hope she can
see that.
You
have since gone shopping and I returned home to watch a film and write this
letter to you before I settle to draw again. We are currently discussing the
word “hey”. I know you know it irritates me. It is only because it is a word of
reconnection, in my mind, something that is used after an absence and pleasant
surprise of a hello. It then just highlights in my thoughts the space we have
had between us and how I am an afterthought to reply to. I know you are always
thinking of me, missing me and loving me. I have no doubt about that. I just
see, as discussed yesterday, that you are in Hannah Land and for some reason
Martyn isn’t an occupant there. I think though that I should just ignore it and
be thankful that you return to me and want to talk to me even when it has been
a longer period of time.
We
know that you and I think differently. I include you in everything. Literally
everything from Home Ed, church, work, blogging and even when I draw. You have
to get through things, actions and activities and then come back to me. I know
this and it doesn’t harm me or upset me. I must start to see it more positively
and just see it as another thing that God is making me wait for. Tonight I am off to a worship evening which I am really looking forward to. I am also looking forward to us catching up with this week’s Bake off and our phone chat.
As
always I miss you and love you deeply. 12 sleeps until I see you.
Love
you,
Martyn
