Dearest
Hannah
Day 33 of
writing to you and this is still a moment to draw closer to you and I hope that
you feel that each day.
Today, being
a Monday, definitely has that typical “Monday feeling”.
You have been
literally chasing your tail today. You had the school run and the kids were
dragging their feet, you then had to wait to get the train into the town for
the job centre and the appointment ended up being late. This then knocked on
and you were late for work at the shop but luckily, after seeing that you
missed the train and the bus, got a lift in with your friends. (You are so
lucky to have them to help!)
Work then
felt a little rubbish. I know you hate letting people down and really dislike
being late but I hope it was just you projecting all the fuss of the morning
and wasn’t because you had any words for the manager.
You then had
to stay a little later to catch up and when you finally left you didn’t get
long at home because you had to go and get the kids after football.
The kids seem
fine and seem to be doing well and playing happily which I am really pleased
about.
You have your
mum coming round this evening. I am not sure when she is arriving but I know
that she’s going to be there until late, well until 9pm. I know this isn’t ideal
for you.
I have had an
extremely emotional day and my dpd is up still. I am so fed up with it now. 5
days and still going despite me trying to do everything and push through all
the feelings and do whatever I can and whatever I normally do; yet nothing is
working.
I have had a
very teary day and am feeling really low, not only with fighting it but also
with the normal dpd related reactions and feelings.
You have been
amazing, I know you don’t feel like you have but you have tried really hard to
work at helping me out. You have phones me and messaged me at every opportunity
and tried to just support me in whatever way you can. I am sure it is hard knowing that I am like
this and you are so far away, it is the curse of the long distance as I know I
feel like it when you need me, but you are trying really hard.
I love you so
much and I couldn’t ask for anyone better than you as my partner, friend and
person. You and I are always going to have moments when we struggle without the
other person when they aren’t “there” but we have to keep going.
For now, I
long to be with you, long to hold you and be held in return, to kiss you and
just have some time just you and I.
3 more sleeps
and I will be with you. I really can’t wait!
Love you,
Martyn