Dearest Hannah,
Day 23 of writing to you and today I feel a bit more motivation to do so compared to yesterday. Today has been a long one and I have felt the distance between us more than I have for a while.
This morning you have me a call to wake me up in case I had over slept my alarms; I love that you do that for me, especially on days when I need to be at important places.
Today I have been supporting my dad through his therapy appointments. I arrived at dad's at 8.41am and rung the phone and beeped the horn but there was answer. I got myself out, started walking and the worst thing happened; I caught my foot and slipped and went head first into the drive. Luckily I wasn't injured but I had the battle ahead of me.
I managed to roll myself over, pull myself up to a seated position and dragged my sore body to my dad's front door. Got there and pushed myself up one step, then over the lip of the porch and into the hallway. It was 9.12am by the time I got in and dad was in the kitchen drinking his coffee. I was lucky though and was unharmed and had no injuries.
We quickly got in the car and headed off now running a bit late. We managed to get there in time but on the way dad confessed that he is still smoking but knew I would understand and not give any grief; which of course I didn't. It was nice though. He told me of days when he has had nothing and days when he hasn't exceeded more than 6 in a day and I saw this and took him at his word knowing that he is trying.
You have been at work today. We didn't have our morning chat as I was with dad and you had decided to go in early so I couldn't even give you a 10 minute call between me arriving and you starting work.
You have found the odd chance to message though. I know though that today will be long and we won't have had time to speak. You said last week that you were sorting the shop for the arrival of the area manager and assumed as you were asked to support today that it wa she day that he/she was in. I knew then that you wouldn't message in that time as all eyes would be on you.
I'm at the hospital when you would get your lunch so doubted you would call then and knew that by the time I arrived home from dad that I would be teaching, my phone would need charging where I've been out all day and I wouldn't get to speak to you until 6.
I miss you so much. I don't think we have had a day where we haven't spoken and heard each other's voices for thos period of time; or even gone this long with a handful of messages.
I'm not going to lie, I have found it hard. I am going through all this with dad and need my person. I'm not saying this to guilt you but you know that and are aware what today would entail but you had to work. I know you planned it off but you made the choice to go on because you wanted to be the proactive worker that they can count on. Yet, I miss my person.
I can't be too sad though as you're doing a job and a role that God has blessed for you and that you enjoy. I also know that with the busy work day and the area manager that you've barely had time to think let alone think of me. Yet, you have tried at any rate to send the odd handful of texts.
It is hard though and I have struggled. I keep thinking that it is part of my tribulation to endure through. The idea that God is working in us and to make us better for our gifted future. You are being trained, have passion, a role that helps the weak and weary and a role that can strengthen your character and future. I am being moulded too but in a different way. A way that we may not fully understand yet but what is clear is I have to wait, learn to have those gaps, wait some more and endure.
I have had Isaiah 64 v 8 in my head all day which links to our readings and to what I've been saying about being sculpted by Him:
But now, O Jehovah, you are our father. We are the clay and you are our Potter; we are all the work of your hand.
I am being shaped, as you are, mine is unclear of the end goal but it is definitely themed for waiting. Even yesterday's words MARTYN STORE is still presence of waiting. I had that again today; another sign that shouted at me and the word, again, was store. So store I will; whatever that means.
I suppose waiting and getting used to being alone is something I need to clearly adjust to and maybe use that time for Him. I'm not sure what else I can do.
I have missed you and I can't wait to hear your voice, see your face and hear about your day and listen to the numerous good that you have had.
In the meantime, I will wait, endure and allow to be sculpted into something good.
Love you,
Martyn
